god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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