Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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