clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
