no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
