i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
