non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
