honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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