R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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