Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
