WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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