Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
