I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
