I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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