I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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