I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
