I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
