just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
