cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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