Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
