In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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