we have pet lesbian snakes
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
