I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
