The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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