There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
