If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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