I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
