five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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