Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
