Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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