Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
