her vagine was all disorganized.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
