i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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