Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
