Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
