he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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