it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
