I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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