I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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