im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Quick, to the slutcave!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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