whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
