I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
