Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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