If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
