Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
