Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
as a side note pls kill me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
