Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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