The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
