I hope mine doesn't look like that
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
