i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
