Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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